6-legged Vampire

"Here I am.... at 6 o'clock in the morning...." goes the song made famous by Alias those many years ago.

I'm back in KL unexpectedly as something has happened to my babe, and from being expecting to being the opposite, but alhamdulillah, she is ok and for now that is all that matters. I'll be going to her soon, as it is still too early, and I don't want to disturb her sleep as she needs her rest. Also got to send the Ben 10 freak to school, so that's in about 2 hours time.

Anyway, here I am in front of the TV, on the sofa legs pointed to the TV, and under a blanket, it is a bit cold.....

I hear the sound of buzzing in the vicinity of my left ear, then my right, and then I see the culprit....

"This bug is going to meet her maker....", I whispered to myself.
"Bzzzz... bzzzzz.....", said the mosquito, whom I shall refer to as Lucy, that's a whole other story, but basically I want that guy dead too. For those of you who can't speak mosquito, refer the the online mosquito translation site.

So I stiffened up, waiting in anticipation of a big whack upside Lucy's head.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her landing around my left thigh trying to poke thru the thick blanket to get to my blood.
Hah! Idiot!
Swoosh! My right hand swooped down to splatter the idiot flat. But she managed to escape.
Back to recon mode.
Again, the Lucy the idiot tried to poke thru the blanket, this time around the area of my right hip.
Swoosh! One more swing of the hand, one more miss. She's quite quick for an idiot.
"Third time lucky, biatch! Come on!!!", said I.
"Bzzzt ...tzztt... bzz...", said Lucy.
And there she was, the idiot, again, being an idiot, trying to get to my blood thru a thick blanket, this time right smack center of my field of vision, and the crosshairs were blinking red. With the hardest swing I could muster.... Swooosh! Kapow! Now way this idiot is gonna escape the jaws of death this time!

Now I'm the idiot, curling in the fetal position.

"Bzzz.. bzzz", said Lucy, no need to translate the universal phrase of "who's the biatch now, idiot?"...........

Warm down activities, throw the dirty and prepare to take the clean

At least that's how an old malay saying would translate into english, loosely....

As most would know by now, I am moving soon. Career-wise.

Goodbye being somebody's macai, hello being somebodyelse's balachi.

Same shit, different view. That's about it, but I have no regrets, no major ones at least, and life is all about compromises.

You can't always get what you wish for, and you don't always wish for what you get.

At least I'd be leaving the Lusial Guy who probably worships a being with many arms, to spend more time with a guy who definitely worships a being with four arms.

Before I leave, I'll have to get rid of one thing that will always remind me of my career between 2000 and 2008, and that thing is a metal rod in my right leg. I broke my right tib-fib back in 2002 while working under this company, so it is only fit that I take it out before I leave.

Other than that, I am also slowly but surely arranging my daily activities so that I can wash my brain - so that I have a blank canvas for the new place. Ok maybe not blank, but at least clear of all the bad habits and negative things I've picked up thru the years. Ok maybe not all the bad habits and negative things, just the really bad ones. Ok maybe one or two. Ok maybe there is no point to it other than to slack off, but who are you to judge me?

So now, my daily routine (at least days where I am up north) is to wake up early, and watch all the sitcoms on astro up to about 9am, ending off course with the back-to-back friends episodes, and then come in to work. On not so good days, I'll extend that to about 10am or 11am, depending on my mood. This is to ensure that my mind is up-to-date with the latest reruns. Then I'll be at work, and I make sure that all the big business is not done at home, but at the office, so I can save water (are reduce the bills) and not need to worry too much about the indah water stuff at home. I can also get some quality time in the special thinking room at the office. This is where I get a lot of ideas and... dare I say it... epiphanies..... In between, I do some facebooking or blog-reading, and maybe check some latest events.... and end the day at about 6 or 7pm, to maximize the time I am in an air-conditioned room as opposed to being at home - hot and humid and only with a simple fan to cool off.

It is now nearing 7pm, so time for me to call it a day.

Killing time...

What to do to kill time? I've got about 72,000 minutes of official working time to kill.

Whenever I'm alone, I usually talk to myself, and you might think me crazy, anf really I have no motivation to argue on that point. In fact I'd probably tend to agree. I'm an only child, and for a majority of my childhood in a shroud of mystery for outsiders looking in, so it comes with the territory. Look at it this way, it's a way better situation to explain if you're talking to yourself, as opposed to talking to the chair or fridge. Maybe.

That's why I guess this blogging activity is sort of talking to myself, but on a more advanced technological level. I am sure one or two people who stumbled across this blog would agree. I am basically talking to myself, but using my fingers and the keyboard to convey the message.

In kind of a wierd way, I like talking to myself, and still do occassionally. It helps me 'rehearse' or 'prepare' for certain situations or conversations. I can also argue with myself and not worry about the arguement getting too carried away, for sure it will never end up in death, so that's ok I guess, and most of the time we get to a compromise... I mean I get to it.

So the latest non-blog-self-discussion I had was concerning the positions we assume to pass motion.

The sitting vs squatting discussion.

I am comfortable with both methods, as both have their pros and cons.

When sitting, you need to make sure that the surface is at the cleanest it can be, as it has the most skin-to-toilet contact. In this position, you have plenty of manouverability for your arms, and can get away with reading, sudoku-ing, and even the occassional facebook updating or even blogging. It's even better if you can rest your back against the toilet seat cover, or something. Personally, when in this position I prefer to slouch to the front and rest my elbows on my knees, and read or whatever, but this usually cuts of circulation to the feet, and at the end of the session I usually end up with dead legs, and have trouble to stand up after washing, so really need to be careful here otherwise could maybe fall down or something worse. For the really kinky you can also have a partner in there with you, helping you upload while you download. Maybe.

When squatting, you have the least skin-to-toilet contact, and plus it is just your feet, so you can wash that later with not too many problems, also sometimes you've got shoes or slippers on, so that's ok. In this position you can't really use a laptop, since you have no 'lap' area to put it on, but I guess you still could, albeit with a little bit more effort, but you run the risk of the laptop slipping off your knees or something, and end up with a hard time explaining to the repair guy what happened. While squatting, you can't really rest your back on the toliet, well you can actually, it is just that you'd be a bit off-balanced. Plus, if you're squatting on a sitting toilet, you risk slipping and falling off it, or worse, if it breaks, you might end up with a hard time explaining to the nurse/doctor how you injured your backside. In general, you can still read, or get a round of sudoku in, but for me personally, after some time, your arms get tired really quick, and anyway, since the hips and knees are bent, circulation is cut off and I end up with dead legs.So what's the score? For me, I end up with dead legs in both positions, so next I think I'll try a bed pan and do it lying down. Maybe. But supposedly, there has been research into this, and it seems the colon is in a better position when you squat. I guess that's why it is sunnah, huh? Anyway, just like sex, shitting for me is an end that justifies the means, as long as I get to do it, it doesn't matter what position, hantam saja, does that make sense? Is that even the right way to say it?

Let me discuss that with me for a bit and I'll get back to me....

UPDATE

For those of you who can't stand the sight of shit, look away, coz I finally remembered to take a pic after a dump....

You can't really see from the pic, but I had to control my 'squeeze muscles' so that the whole thing came out as ONE PIECE.... as you can see one end is sticking out of the water surface, almost like the head of a whale peering out of the sea, while the other end is actually hidden inside the toliet piping, so what you see is maybe only 70% of the whole thing. Could've pushed out more in that one motion, but I sorta sneezed and let go of my 'squeeze muscles'......

If you're gagging in disgust, too bad......