ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5 YEAR OLD?

I am not trying to copy the similarly named redneck show hosted by Jeff Foxworthy or the one ciplaked (is that a word?) by mix.fm, or one of those ASTRO-based radios channels. I am really talking about being smarter than a 5 year old.

Here is the story.

I'm sure most of you remember the good old days of being a child old enough to watch and comprehend TV shows, yet not old enough to be really responsible for anything other than not peeing or shitting in your pants. And then I'm sure some of you also remember the superb and mindblowing TV shows which we were addicted to, and better still, companies like HASBRO, MATTEL, etc, cashed in on this by producing almost-exact-replica toys, on sale in a toy store near you. Gila best, MASK, G.I JOE, GoBOTS, THUNDERCATS, SILVERHAWKS, VOLTRON, ROBOTECH, TRANSFORMERS, the list is endless. To a wide-eyed young child, how better to realize all those animated-fantasies if not thru cool action figures! My poor parents had to hear me nag them to get all the above-mentioned toys, at whatever measly salary they were pulling in, patutla always make lame excuses not to buy me toys.

And now the circle of life has come full circle.... I'm the one pulling in the measly salary, and hence making lame excuses to my son why I can't buy him a truckload of toys every week.

"Kedai tak bukak lagi la..."

"Toy tu tak jual la..... advert tu untuk overseas aje..."

"Duit takdela, habis beli susu and pampers....."

"Kedai tu tak bagi budak-budak yang tak makan sayur beli toy..."

And worse still, there are even more cartoons nowadays, with toy-tie-ins, and bloody expensive mind you..... apa buat toy kena pakai petrol ka?

But anyway, anak punya pasal, today me and the missus gave in to his constant nagging to buy Bumblebee.

For those of you not in the know, it is a character from the movie "Transformers". Cost almost as much as a full tank on my car. Also, it was slighly cheaper the last time I checked the price, which was last 2 weeks maybe, so I'm guessing it has got something to do with the price increase of petrol.... maybe.....

Anyway, the story doesn't end there. I thought that by buying that toy, my son would be off my case for at least a week. Sooo wrong was I. Off course it is always the fathers job to help transform the toy from CAR MODE to ROBOT MODE. I wouldn't complain if it was easy, but the powers that be who created the toy, not only wanted my hard earned cash, but also my sanity.

Why do I say this? Let me take you through the 10 steps to insanity.

The first 3 steps are basically self-explanatory. You just kepak the doors ever-so-slightly and pull them outwards a couple of notches, and pry open the roof of the car horizontally, then rotate them at about a 35 degree angle to the horizontal. With me so far?

Then you pull apart the butt side of the car so that the phallic-o-booster slides out and drops out. OK?

After putting aside that thing that pooped out, you simply rotate the doors 180 degrees on the Z-axis, and pull out the sun-roof-like piece so that it is raised. You finish the move of by twisting the doors sideways so that look like wings, and at the same time pull out the hands and arms which are hidden under the roof. Also pull out some of your hair and a rabbit from your rear end.

Then you twist the top part so the bottom part is aligned with the parts on the side, and the head will appear just as your head is about to blow up. Then both the left arm and the right arm are adjusted so they appear parallel to the chestal cross section of the robot's torso, and stick a fork in your chest. What?

Just a little bit more. Drag the piece holding the rear tires perpendicular to the part that will be the robot's knees, and then pull it back down so that it appears longer than the shorter drawing on the left, at the same time shove a butter knife up your own rear end.

Last but not least, stick the piece that pooped out earlier into the right hand of the robot, and your child is ready for the time of his life playing with this toy.

In reality nothing could be further from the truth. The toy in robot mode was not ready. The insructions sucked! Thankfully I had time on my side, sent my son of to watch a cartoon show or two, threw away the instructions, stared at every piece and moving part on the damned thing, and tried my best to figure out how to do what I was supposed to do.

In the end, my fantasticall mind prevailed, but barely at the edge of sanity. I don't remember my toys back in the day to be so complicated. Why sell a toy to a 5 year old, which he himself can't manipulate? Is it so that the father-son bond can be built? Is it so that the kid will get frustrated, and break or trash it, and ask for another one, further increasing sales for the toy company?

Why? Why? Why?

Anyway, as I managed to do it by myself, I can proudly say that I, the father, am smarter than a 5 year old, the son.

Hahaha.

Now I only have to figure out how to turn the robot back into a car.

On my own. By myself.

And also do it again and again everytime my son asks me to do it everytime he plays we the toy.

Or I can just persuade him to just play with the robot versions, and never to dream of the car versions ever.

Right.

Guess who's the smart one now? I retract my earlier statement of being smarter than a 5 year old.

In this wonderful world of ours, just like in the situation I found myself in with the toy, it is always the 'smarter' ones that end up doing all the work while the others just give orders. Right? Think about it.