Hmmm... nak tulis pasal apa ah?
Nanti ku fikirkan.....

It's been a while...

That's all I can say.

There were times I felt like blogging, but couldn't get online. Never did like blogging via mobile.

There were times I was online, but didn't feel like blogging. Most of the time I'm just bored. Or is it boring? My poor friends. My poor family. My poor wife. 

I guess my previous blogs were mostly either complaints on certain issues which were at the time affecting me in certain ways, or just stupid entries to pass the time, of which I had quite a lot a few months back. Actually, come to think of it, most of the time when I don't blog, I talk to myself, or to inanimate objects around me, so the times I do blog, it is probably a final attempt at grasping sanity. Maybe.

Anyway, now, time, is relative. I don't know what that means. Actually I do, but in the context of this blog, I don't. What I know is now that I've moved on from my previous place of employment, time has transformed into this monster over which I have little control. I wish I had more control of my time, or at least a clear plan, at the minimum one month fixed and 3 months rolling would be good. But then again a lot of things would be good and just aren't. One thing is for sure, family time is gold to me. Even if I'm just watching and not involved in anyway, shape or form, just being in their vicinity is precious enough. Anyday.

I still don't know where I'm going with this. I'm in a room with no windows, a box is more like it. Cut off from the rest of the world save the flatscreen embedded in the hotel wall. There's no starworld or AXN, so no chance of catching most of my favorite shows. There's no fast food outlet nearby, so there goes my diet. 

Getting here was not much fun either. The flight was delayed. As if the flight itself was not long enough, 1 hour plus to Kota Kinabalu, and after a short stop over, another 3 hours plus to Taifarkinpei. In a 737, damnit. No TV screen. No in-flight entertainment. Cramped seats. I get a hard on, and the guy in front of me gets a free but scratch. I scratch my shoulder and the guy next to me gets a free nipple scrubbing. Whaddafok.

And there are worse scenarios, or so they tell me. I could be in the middle of the ocean somewhere crapping in a plastic bag, or in a remote part of russia, constantly on my toes keeping bears off my butt. Or is that Boris?

Why? It's all for the greater good, a sacrifice for the future of my family. That's what I tell myself, anyway. I guess it all follows the moon. Sounds better in Malay....

I hope I get to do some stuff I've planned. Hope being the operative word, as it seems nowadays, I can't say for sure when I'll be home or when I'll be away. Just when I think I'm stuck, I wriggle free, and just when I see daylight, I get hooked and reeled right back into it. You can't win 'em all, I guess...

Well, that's it. I'm even more bored than I was when I started to write this, so that's it then. Plus I'm feeling a slight headache coming... time to get the axe brand oil, and start a conversation with the TV remote.

Farewell...


I don't know if it is wise to blog about this, but my relationship with her for the past 3 years or so has been so intimate and passionate....


I met her back in 2005...... the moment I saw her, I just knew I had to have her....
After some initial conversation, I took her home with me.....


We spent so many times together, alone, in closed quarters......
Mostly I keep quiet, as she's the loud type, always making some sort of noise....
And believe me, once you look at her, it's hard to look away.....


She'd always be next to me until I sleep, as I drift away while looking at her....
She was always so easy to turn on.... I new all the right buttons to push....
She never declined any of my commands, no matter at what hour.....
She'd let me watch my football without any interruptions, and if I needed some 18SX, she'd always oblige.....

She knew that we'd be leaving Alor Star, but she never said a thing.
Maybe she was afraid of moving, maybe she was afraid being introduced my family in KL.
But somehow, she decided to end her life, days before I was to take her to KL.
Why? Why? I'll never know.........


I'll miss you Hana.


Hana Bishi
March 2005 - August 2008
RIP

Deyfaaaaa keladey...

That was a term I picked up during my secondary education in VI.
From and indian friend...... that's what he would say when stressed out, etc....
Also, with his accent, it sounded cooler than if a malay or chinese boy said it....

This same indian dude also kena one time...... no thanks to a BM teacher, who asked all the students to stand up on our desks, yes, desks, not chair, but desk...... and each on of us had to tell her one traditional game before we could sit down.
Who the hell can name more than a handful of Malaysian traditional games? Imagine a class of 40-odd students......
Obviously, the first ones who got asked, got to sit down, for games such as congkak, or galah panjang, etc....
I was lucky enough to be among the first 5 to be asked, so trying to answer was not so hard.
After that, the pauses were longer......

So came his turn. He was like one of the last ones yet to answer, and was looking at the ceiling and floors for answers....
this was about the time I came up with a 'traditional game' which could help him out.... so I called out to him...
"Vijay, you got game to answer or not?"
"Tarak la wei, faaakeladey this teacher..."
"Come I help you out la..."
"What, tell me la.... not so loud afterwards someone else answer first, my legs paining oredi la...."
"ok..... this game aa...."
"what....faster ladey..."
"...is called kayu...."
"..ha'ah...."
".....tiga..."
"cikgu!......saya tau cikgu!....main kayu tiga cikgu!..."
Cue laughter similar to the way P.Ramlee, Aziz, and Sudin laughed at the old man for not getting the huruf jawi right.....
The poor fella also kena stand on his desk for the whole duration of the class....
"...deyfaaaaaa keladey......"

As one chapter ends, another begins...

I will head up north tonight for one last time by express bus, as by the end of the week I will drive back home to KL after a handful of years working in Kedah, and staying in a 'bachelor-pad' of sorts...

Starting from next week, I will embark on a new challenge, or maybe it should be challenges..... because surely it will be a plethora of new challenges.....

I will off course head underwater to be certified.... don't know how that will go but fingers crossed....

I've also got to figure out when to rid myself of internal stainless steel rods....

I will also start work somewhere else, and be a kuli for someone else.... but at least there will be a change of scenery.... if it is better or worse, time will tell.... but staying somewhere for too long is painful for the butt....

I will no longer have the luxury of having the TV all for myself on weekdays, and surely sometimes it's nice to be alone...

But that's also part of the reason for the relocation, to be near the chaotic environment better known as the wife and kids...

So kids, Daddy's coming home..... for how long, I don't know, but let's live for the now, ok? Let the future unfold itself on its own time...... and for the non-so-kid, DADDY's coming HOME.......

It's always nice too know that there's a place where the fridge is always (almost) fully stocked, and sometimes you can't even find what you're looking for.....

Also, most importantly, I will have to surrender this notebook which has served me well over the years.....

It won't be easy to find a replacement..... it will probably be some time too.... so it is going to be weird not to be able to go online as I please, but you can't win 'em all......

Surely as the sun sets, it will rise again.... anyway if it doesn't, then it is really too late.....

But rest assured I'll will be going in every day with guns blazing...

We sacrifice the now for the later, and the later is all for them....

Not sure what....

That basically sums up today. Not sure what.

We were supposed to have a kenduri, mainly 'orang masjid' and close family.

That was cancelled due to the passing of a relative late last night.

She was almost like a mom to my Dad, and like a grandmother to me, second only the my late grand-aunt who used to live next door to our current house.

So obviously my parents went 'menziarah' or 'mengunjung' or whatever term you use in your general area of living.

I kinda woke up late, so I woke up to a lot of food, chair, tables and even a tent put up for the kenduri, but no kenduri.

Also went out to pick up some 'kuih' we ordered.

Off course the close family came by anyway, and generally this usually means my wife's family, because by virtue of being an only child and, obviously, having no siblings, I really don't have any close family.

I prefer the company of my wife's family anyhow, eventhough their a bit loud and havoc-gitu.... it lends to a 'ceria' atmosphere, so to speak..... plus they've got kids in the range of my kids' age (cousings obviously) so bolehla bebudak tu main-main ke apa ke... anyhow most of the 'close-family' on my side is either Chinese (which for the purpose of the planned-but-cancelled kenduri renders them irrelevant, I think....) or Malay but live on the other side of town (since the kenduri was supposed to be small-scale, this sort of also rendered them irrelevant, again, I think... ).

So anyway, after waiting until a little bit after Zohor - to make sure that anyone who did not hear of the cancellation of the kenduri and came by anyway, could be given an apology and an explanation of why it was cancelled (nobody came anyway... I guess they all knew...) by yours truly - we decided to go to the Zoo. Why? The mind works in mysterious ways. Anyway there were like 4 restless kids in the house, and it just seemed like a good idea at the time.

Anyway, to cut to the chase.... doesn't make sense to make the story short after that long introduction I know, but it's my blog so I can be as goblog as I wanna be.... anyway the point is, we got to an animal which kinda got me thinking.

For those of you who don't know what animal this is, this is the official info displayed at the Zoo.

And that brings me to the often-used semi-profane word CIPAN and it's close relative, CIPET.

What the heck do these words mean anyway?

Are they supposed to mean that you're a sleepy black-yellow-white striped aquatic-vegetarion mammal with a trunk?

OR one that is domesticated, hence the addition of the word PET?

So I looked it up on the net.

The best return I got on the search for CIPAN, leads me to believe that CIPANs are indeed mammals, but not aquatic-vegetarians with trunks, rather a group of mammals, doing some god-know-what medical or scientific research somewhere in Portugal. And they're probably wearing black-yellow-white striped lab coats. Maybe. And some of them maybe also have trunks, albeit in another area of their body, and not to suck in water, but the opposite. Maybe. If you know Portuguese let me know....

On the topic of CIPET, I also got some results on the search-engine, which lead me to believe that CIPETs are a group of mammals, trained somewhere in India, dealing with Chemical, Petrochemicals and even fertilizers. Also probably wearing black-yellow-white striped lab coats. Maybe.

So would you rather be a CIPAN or a CIPET?

Beware Products with Warnings or disclaimers on the packaging...

I did not.

Decided to wash my hair today.... since I'm keeping it long (until I HAVE to trim it...), I might as well ensure all the right nutrients are being absorbed by it as much as possible.

So I used this shampoo, which from the front of the bottle looks like any other shampoo.

Here's the back of the bottle.

Here's the interesting part of the back of the bottle close-up.

Note the wordings after the word ATTENTION.

Yeah, right.

Now what is that noise coming from outside my house? Don't they know I'm trying to update my blog after about 3 weeks on non-activity? Apa la lu orang tak boleh orang nak rileks sikit pun.....

Whoa! Wow, all this because of shampoo? Luckily I only washed the hair on the top my SKULL, eh?

6-legged Vampire

"Here I am.... at 6 o'clock in the morning...." goes the song made famous by Alias those many years ago.

I'm back in KL unexpectedly as something has happened to my babe, and from being expecting to being the opposite, but alhamdulillah, she is ok and for now that is all that matters. I'll be going to her soon, as it is still too early, and I don't want to disturb her sleep as she needs her rest. Also got to send the Ben 10 freak to school, so that's in about 2 hours time.

Anyway, here I am in front of the TV, on the sofa legs pointed to the TV, and under a blanket, it is a bit cold.....

I hear the sound of buzzing in the vicinity of my left ear, then my right, and then I see the culprit....

"This bug is going to meet her maker....", I whispered to myself.
"Bzzzz... bzzzzz.....", said the mosquito, whom I shall refer to as Lucy, that's a whole other story, but basically I want that guy dead too. For those of you who can't speak mosquito, refer the the online mosquito translation site.

So I stiffened up, waiting in anticipation of a big whack upside Lucy's head.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her landing around my left thigh trying to poke thru the thick blanket to get to my blood.
Hah! Idiot!
Swoosh! My right hand swooped down to splatter the idiot flat. But she managed to escape.
Back to recon mode.
Again, the Lucy the idiot tried to poke thru the blanket, this time around the area of my right hip.
Swoosh! One more swing of the hand, one more miss. She's quite quick for an idiot.
"Third time lucky, biatch! Come on!!!", said I.
"Bzzzt ...tzztt... bzz...", said Lucy.
And there she was, the idiot, again, being an idiot, trying to get to my blood thru a thick blanket, this time right smack center of my field of vision, and the crosshairs were blinking red. With the hardest swing I could muster.... Swooosh! Kapow! Now way this idiot is gonna escape the jaws of death this time!

Now I'm the idiot, curling in the fetal position.

"Bzzz.. bzzz", said Lucy, no need to translate the universal phrase of "who's the biatch now, idiot?"...........

Warm down activities, throw the dirty and prepare to take the clean

At least that's how an old malay saying would translate into english, loosely....

As most would know by now, I am moving soon. Career-wise.

Goodbye being somebody's macai, hello being somebodyelse's balachi.

Same shit, different view. That's about it, but I have no regrets, no major ones at least, and life is all about compromises.

You can't always get what you wish for, and you don't always wish for what you get.

At least I'd be leaving the Lusial Guy who probably worships a being with many arms, to spend more time with a guy who definitely worships a being with four arms.

Before I leave, I'll have to get rid of one thing that will always remind me of my career between 2000 and 2008, and that thing is a metal rod in my right leg. I broke my right tib-fib back in 2002 while working under this company, so it is only fit that I take it out before I leave.

Other than that, I am also slowly but surely arranging my daily activities so that I can wash my brain - so that I have a blank canvas for the new place. Ok maybe not blank, but at least clear of all the bad habits and negative things I've picked up thru the years. Ok maybe not all the bad habits and negative things, just the really bad ones. Ok maybe one or two. Ok maybe there is no point to it other than to slack off, but who are you to judge me?

So now, my daily routine (at least days where I am up north) is to wake up early, and watch all the sitcoms on astro up to about 9am, ending off course with the back-to-back friends episodes, and then come in to work. On not so good days, I'll extend that to about 10am or 11am, depending on my mood. This is to ensure that my mind is up-to-date with the latest reruns. Then I'll be at work, and I make sure that all the big business is not done at home, but at the office, so I can save water (are reduce the bills) and not need to worry too much about the indah water stuff at home. I can also get some quality time in the special thinking room at the office. This is where I get a lot of ideas and... dare I say it... epiphanies..... In between, I do some facebooking or blog-reading, and maybe check some latest events.... and end the day at about 6 or 7pm, to maximize the time I am in an air-conditioned room as opposed to being at home - hot and humid and only with a simple fan to cool off.

It is now nearing 7pm, so time for me to call it a day.

Killing time...

What to do to kill time? I've got about 72,000 minutes of official working time to kill.

Whenever I'm alone, I usually talk to myself, and you might think me crazy, anf really I have no motivation to argue on that point. In fact I'd probably tend to agree. I'm an only child, and for a majority of my childhood in a shroud of mystery for outsiders looking in, so it comes with the territory. Look at it this way, it's a way better situation to explain if you're talking to yourself, as opposed to talking to the chair or fridge. Maybe.

That's why I guess this blogging activity is sort of talking to myself, but on a more advanced technological level. I am sure one or two people who stumbled across this blog would agree. I am basically talking to myself, but using my fingers and the keyboard to convey the message.

In kind of a wierd way, I like talking to myself, and still do occassionally. It helps me 'rehearse' or 'prepare' for certain situations or conversations. I can also argue with myself and not worry about the arguement getting too carried away, for sure it will never end up in death, so that's ok I guess, and most of the time we get to a compromise... I mean I get to it.

So the latest non-blog-self-discussion I had was concerning the positions we assume to pass motion.

The sitting vs squatting discussion.

I am comfortable with both methods, as both have their pros and cons.

When sitting, you need to make sure that the surface is at the cleanest it can be, as it has the most skin-to-toilet contact. In this position, you have plenty of manouverability for your arms, and can get away with reading, sudoku-ing, and even the occassional facebook updating or even blogging. It's even better if you can rest your back against the toilet seat cover, or something. Personally, when in this position I prefer to slouch to the front and rest my elbows on my knees, and read or whatever, but this usually cuts of circulation to the feet, and at the end of the session I usually end up with dead legs, and have trouble to stand up after washing, so really need to be careful here otherwise could maybe fall down or something worse. For the really kinky you can also have a partner in there with you, helping you upload while you download. Maybe.

When squatting, you have the least skin-to-toilet contact, and plus it is just your feet, so you can wash that later with not too many problems, also sometimes you've got shoes or slippers on, so that's ok. In this position you can't really use a laptop, since you have no 'lap' area to put it on, but I guess you still could, albeit with a little bit more effort, but you run the risk of the laptop slipping off your knees or something, and end up with a hard time explaining to the repair guy what happened. While squatting, you can't really rest your back on the toliet, well you can actually, it is just that you'd be a bit off-balanced. Plus, if you're squatting on a sitting toilet, you risk slipping and falling off it, or worse, if it breaks, you might end up with a hard time explaining to the nurse/doctor how you injured your backside. In general, you can still read, or get a round of sudoku in, but for me personally, after some time, your arms get tired really quick, and anyway, since the hips and knees are bent, circulation is cut off and I end up with dead legs.So what's the score? For me, I end up with dead legs in both positions, so next I think I'll try a bed pan and do it lying down. Maybe. But supposedly, there has been research into this, and it seems the colon is in a better position when you squat. I guess that's why it is sunnah, huh? Anyway, just like sex, shitting for me is an end that justifies the means, as long as I get to do it, it doesn't matter what position, hantam saja, does that make sense? Is that even the right way to say it?

Let me discuss that with me for a bit and I'll get back to me....

UPDATE

For those of you who can't stand the sight of shit, look away, coz I finally remembered to take a pic after a dump....

You can't really see from the pic, but I had to control my 'squeeze muscles' so that the whole thing came out as ONE PIECE.... as you can see one end is sticking out of the water surface, almost like the head of a whale peering out of the sea, while the other end is actually hidden inside the toliet piping, so what you see is maybe only 70% of the whole thing. Could've pushed out more in that one motion, but I sorta sneezed and let go of my 'squeeze muscles'......

If you're gagging in disgust, too bad......

Looooo-uke.... I am your faaaaadaaa......

If you're a fan of the star wars trilogy (original 3) or if you've watched at least final episode (the 3rd movie before the prequels), then you'd know who said this line to whom in which scene. The reason the words came echoing into my mind is because today is (I think so anyway) Father's Day.

When you're a kid, more often than not, you always look at your Dad as a superhuman, able to do at the very least most things, if not all things, that you demand of him. Maybe I'm not speaking for all here, but I assume the majority out there would agree to this statement.

But now that I'm a dad, it's all just bullshit. Speaking of shit, I was planning to 'do' something about my own, but I either forgot a bout it till to late, or just reconsidered at the moment of truth. Then, surfing the net, I found this site. Check it out, and I am sure you'll be satisfied.

Back to the point I was trying to make. I am no role-model father, neither am I even one who can claim to be able to give any kind of advice at all regarding fatherhood, because I know that most of the time I do stuff for the kids with barely a smile on my face, sometimes with moans and groans (focus please) and sometimes even with a bitter look, but I do it nonetheless. On this topic, here's my take.

Fatherhood, is at the very basic level, a responsibility that you just have to take. No questions asked. Same as motherhood, you just do it, no questions asked. You might have a voice in your head questioning your decision or sacrifice, but that's about it. You have no right to bring it up, or even worse use at as if it is justification that your are Father or Mother of the Year. It's all part of the process, even if it uses up other resources. Just like breathing, consciously or otherwise, it must carry on without question. AND you can't claim that you're alive because you did all the had breathing part. It just is. Just do it. Even if it hurts, otherwise you're better off dead, literally....

Anyway, for me Father's Day (and Mother's Day, and all other days like it, such as Valentine's Day, etc) was created by some capitalist joker who saw the potential to make more money, sell more products, etc. It has lost meaning, and got really expensive too. Not that I don't appreciate all the stuff my parents did for me and don't want to buy him gifts, but because even without these 'special' days, they're always heroes to me, no need for a day to remind me about it (eventhough I forget more often that not, but that's besides the point...). Comparing fathers on Father's Day makes no sense, because for sure every Father tries his damned best to provide for the kids. Only difference is, his paycheck, or his physical strength, or some other difference that does not make the playing field level, for those who are doing comparisons. But in the heart, it's all the same. I would like it better if Father's Day was changed to F***er's Day, and on this day, we highlight all the idiotic stuff that father's have done, so the other father's can learn and take pointers on what to avoid doing at all costs. On this day, we curse to idiot dads who give the business a bad name. Then, for the rest of the year, we celebrate our father's like it is that one father's day we now celebrate. How about that?

Anyway, talking about Father's Day and gifts, I've find 2 that I as a father would love to get from my kids, and if the agree with me on the above points, they can buy these stuff for me any day of the year, not restricted to a Father's Day set by some western culture, or whatever. Then again they'll have to borrow the money from me, but hey I'm a father, so it is my duty to fork it out.

The first is just cool. The Sharp Shooting TV remote. Since part of the job scope for all fathers is the constant care of the TV remote, this just blows my mind. The only problem is you can only set it to do one function, but still it is just a cool gadget. Imagine pointing the device at the TV just like a sheriff, and it comes with a badge too!. I just can't wait til they figure out a way to put in more function into it. Read more about it here.

The second one is also cool, but maybe not for all. This one is limited to smokers. Have you ever had the urge to smoke only to be in a place where smoking is prohibited? Restaurant, LRT, plane, office, etc? Well with this gadget, you can smoke anywhere, and without annoying anyone with your smoke. Read more about it here.

You can also check out both of these gadgets here.

Anyway, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all fathers.....

Wanna get shocked on Friday the 13th???

We went to watch the new Indiana Jones movie a last week. Right at the end there was a scene where 'Mutt' (portrayed by Shea LeBouf - I think that's how it's spelled) caught sight of Indy's fedora and picked it up to try it on, and just as it seemed that he would place it on the top of his head, and pressumably hint at being the 'next' Indy, the Real Indy snatched it from him, and off course the fedora was now on his head, ending any speculation on who would be the 'next' Indy.

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, if Shea is unavailable, I'm ready 24-7.....

How's that for a shocker!!!

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity

Song Dedication

It happened again. I got called by the boss again. To discuss strategic issues for end 2008 and 2009. Again.

Migraine again. Feel like wanna shit again. So many things to think about using a mind trying to be idle.

But the kicker...... just before we concluded the discussion, he told me he wanted to dedicate a song to me.

The song? Kenny Rogers' "Lucille".

You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
Four hungry children and the crops in the field
I've had some bad times
Lived thru some sad times
But this time your hurtin' won't heal
You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille

What da fock? Do I like look like a Lucille? Lucille Ball? Lu see my balls? Maybe I kick your balls?

Bloody hell.... maybe you've eaten one too many roasters la macha.... the charcoal messing up whatever brain you have left la..

You think I cair tangkap leleh or what? Maybe if you brought some roasters, after makan I can tonggeng la kot?

Haram jadah lakhanat mangkuk hayun macibai macauhai kunji nai puta capuri.

You've focked me so many times already upside the head, tak puas lagi ka macha?

Argh I've got a headache - Help!

Headache lah. Why? Coz of my dilemma, that's why.

What is my dilemma? Here's where I need help, input from others.

I've resigned from my current job, and waiting for about 2 more months before I can cha-alip-bot.

But somehow, to quote Paris Hilton's other sister, "they're still milking me for what I'm worth here".

Maybe even more than I'm worth, damn it.

For those of you who malas to think so much, I'll give you multiple choice.

So, do I:-

A) Do a real good job - Stick to it until the last day, as it is my duty to do each and everything that the company asks me to do so long as I am still under their payroll.

B) Do a so-so job - Do it simple and straight to the point, no need to be real detailed/focused, even if there are some mistakes, so that it looks as though I'm still doing my job, but actually it is just to release a cough at the stairs.

C) Do a bad job - Do it the simplest way in the shortest time, regardless of right or wrong, as long as something comes out after the number-crunching and leave the results for others to interpret and rectify if needed.

D) Don't do it - Leave the company and bear the legal consequences should the company pursue that avenue.

E) Other - Welcome any original and creative ideas that you may have.

And for you lawyers out there, how can I make it 'easy' for me without actually crossing the legal line?

Please help me if you can, while I go to that special room for a bit of thinking.

Porcelain Thoughts

As usual, I find myself on the procelain throne, fiddling with either my phone or my thoughts..... and since I only need maybe 3 minutes tops to check Facebook on the phone.....that leaves quite some time to think. Bull shit or elephant shit, it's all the same shit.

First I'm thinking that I have 70 days to go before I am officially resigned. Now minus the weekends and public holidays from that figure and it's closer to about 50 days only. That is about 10 weekends to go. About 20 bus rides to and fro. Whoa, lama lagi tu.

At least one of my colleagues here whom recently resigned, the company actually paid them in lieu, meaning gaji dapat kerja takpayah. Supposedly, the top management didn't want him still in the company as he was instigating mass exodus, duri dalam daging kononnya. How can I get to be like that? I also want to calo la.... but as my luck would have it, no such thing.

Just this morning the mangkuk hayun boss of mine called me and a couple other 'managers' - mind you I am not even that, to discuss some future plans for the company. Hallo? Macha? Gua dah resign lagi mau kasik kerja ka? Some more the stuff that was discussed mostly involved plans for the 4th quarter of 2008, a period in which I definitely will not be involved anymore. So why? The way I see it, he still needs me and my input, unless he just wants to look at my cibai face for kicks.

If that is the case, no wonder la when I come to work late, or balik awal, or don't show up at all, he doesn't complain. He still needs my input la kot. In that case, I'll make it a point to come a bit late everyday, and go back to KL early on friday. Ok apa, flexi-time. Bloody hell, he's asking about this cost la, that opportunity la, some other contingency plan la, these people la, those articles la, fuck la dei. Lagi may resign lagi mau pening ka. If not for the fact that if I did not do these things, the impact might affect the periuk nasi of about 1,300 families, then I might just have cabut, and bear the consequences of not serving out the 3 months notice. I have other things to think about, like my efforts towards a bigger family, a better home, diving certification, maybe even pick up golfing again. Aah.... but that's just about what I had time to think about.... then I had to istinjak and flush.... nanti sudah kering kalu leceh.

Wonder who else thinks about bullshit stuff while on the porcelain throne? Or is it ceramic? I didn't think about that.....

Takde kerja la ni

Aktuelinye..... aku dah tender resignation nak dekat sebulan dah kot, tapi sebab notis 3 bulan, dok ada lagi 2 bulan lah nak kena berlakon. Ingatkan dah tender tu clear la, rupenye bos mangkuk aku tu ada lagi bagi assignment - dah tau nak pakai lagi aku, awat tak kasik naik gaji awai-awai, tak pun cari lah pengganti cepat-cepat. Tu lah kaum Christopher George, cuma tak tukar nama je lagi, tapi bahasa dah lupa dah.

Lantak pi la, kalau aku tak siap pun bukan dia boleh buat apa. Cuma aku buat jugak la, sebab nanti rezeki tak halal pulak, tapi lebih-lebih takdak la, cukup sekadar secukup rasa. So, memandangkan aku duduk dalam bilik ni tutup lampu (save cost - dan juga supaya orang ingat takde orang dan tak singgah), aku akan balance balik cost tu dengan mengesurf internet, dan apa yang aku sudah jumpa, memang best.

Mula-mula aku saja nak surf cari diving parafanelia... camna nak eja malas nak spell check... ingat kot semua lebih kurang macam gambar ni le....

Rupanya, memang power..... macam-macam benda ada, cuma duit je la takde.... tapi bak kata orang duit boleh dicari....

So kalau ada duit aku nak beli benda ni la, cool gila, macam-macam nombor ada, mintak nombor ekor pun boleh, dah la 18k gold... baru la Paris Hilton kot... ke tak lagi?

Lepas tu dive kalu musti ada ambience power punye...mp3 la beb... apa laga.....

Kot-kot mau communicate dengan other divers, boleh pakai ini simple sms punye gadget.... rupa dia pelik sikit la, kot-kot makcik-makcik yang bawak kereta sensorang boleh pakai, tak tau la kan..... I baru amatur belum legend lagi...

Takpun kalau nak phone member yang tak diving, pakai ni terus la.... tunggu apa lagi?

"Yo watper beb, blub, wa underwadder ni, 40 meter wa cakap sama lu...blub.... wa tengok ikan ni fobia lak... macam muka monyet...blub"

Dan masa dive tu mesti la nak nampak macam superunderwaterspy.... pakai goggle/mask ini macam la kawan....

Kalau rasa macam tak best, cuba tengok inside la kawan.... ada HUD ooooo..... giler bester...... macam Streehawk pulak rasa...

Letih kalu..... ni ada cara bergaya bergerak dalam air tanpa berenang.....

Kalau letih jugak, sampai lelah dan asthma.... pakai snorkel ni sudah la.... kalau tak pam ventolin siap-siap... atau apa-apa gas lain yang sewaktu dengannya.... tak pun bubuh sekali dalam tank mix dengan oksigen dan nitrogen ... lagi senang.... kena la orang calculate RVT pulak untuk ventolin tu.....

Gila best.... puas hati aku duduk kat ofis tapi tak buat kerja ofis..... tapi buat jugak la sebenornya....

Kasik la can, bak kata omputih, swimming while drinking the wadder..... saya budak baru belajar, kalau salah tolong tunjukkan....

TGV the Correct Swinging Plate


Punya la seronok bawak anak-beranak serta maid nak pegi tengok wayang kat Capital Square.
Tengok dalam paper, cerita Narnia yang baru to start pukul 12.20.


By the time semua siap, dah pukul 11.55, so apa laga, bawak kereta macam F1 la mencelah situ-sini.
Bukannya apa, best tengok wayang kat Capital Square sebab tempat tu tak siap lagi, so tak ramai orang.
Sebelum ni dua kali dah pergi tengok wayang kat situ, both times, boleh kira dengan tangan orang dalam panggung tu.

So anyway, kalut-kalut pun sampai kat counter beli tiket to pukul 12.10, so kira ok la. Sempat la. Beli tiket, papkon, etc.

Tapi panggung punggung mangkuk tu sudah tukar time la.... show pukul 3.00, ada ke patut. Mangkuk hayun betul
Habih tu aku nak buat apa lagi 2 jam lebih takkan nak melangut kat Capital Square tu dah la takde kedai apa pun.
Dah la bawak anak yang buas dan memang no way boleh nak duduk diam tunggu sampai pukul 3.00.


Habis tu, balik rumah la. Nak round-round pun minyak mahal. Lahanat punya TGV. Mangkuk hayun punya punggung wayang.
Nak je aku kung fu panda puak-puak kat TGV tu, tapi kawe tok panda kung fu. Mangkuk Hayun betul.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 5 YEAR OLD?

I am not trying to copy the similarly named redneck show hosted by Jeff Foxworthy or the one ciplaked (is that a word?) by mix.fm, or one of those ASTRO-based radios channels. I am really talking about being smarter than a 5 year old.

Here is the story.

I'm sure most of you remember the good old days of being a child old enough to watch and comprehend TV shows, yet not old enough to be really responsible for anything other than not peeing or shitting in your pants. And then I'm sure some of you also remember the superb and mindblowing TV shows which we were addicted to, and better still, companies like HASBRO, MATTEL, etc, cashed in on this by producing almost-exact-replica toys, on sale in a toy store near you. Gila best, MASK, G.I JOE, GoBOTS, THUNDERCATS, SILVERHAWKS, VOLTRON, ROBOTECH, TRANSFORMERS, the list is endless. To a wide-eyed young child, how better to realize all those animated-fantasies if not thru cool action figures! My poor parents had to hear me nag them to get all the above-mentioned toys, at whatever measly salary they were pulling in, patutla always make lame excuses not to buy me toys.

And now the circle of life has come full circle.... I'm the one pulling in the measly salary, and hence making lame excuses to my son why I can't buy him a truckload of toys every week.

"Kedai tak bukak lagi la..."

"Toy tu tak jual la..... advert tu untuk overseas aje..."

"Duit takdela, habis beli susu and pampers....."

"Kedai tu tak bagi budak-budak yang tak makan sayur beli toy..."

And worse still, there are even more cartoons nowadays, with toy-tie-ins, and bloody expensive mind you..... apa buat toy kena pakai petrol ka?

But anyway, anak punya pasal, today me and the missus gave in to his constant nagging to buy Bumblebee.

For those of you not in the know, it is a character from the movie "Transformers". Cost almost as much as a full tank on my car. Also, it was slighly cheaper the last time I checked the price, which was last 2 weeks maybe, so I'm guessing it has got something to do with the price increase of petrol.... maybe.....

Anyway, the story doesn't end there. I thought that by buying that toy, my son would be off my case for at least a week. Sooo wrong was I. Off course it is always the fathers job to help transform the toy from CAR MODE to ROBOT MODE. I wouldn't complain if it was easy, but the powers that be who created the toy, not only wanted my hard earned cash, but also my sanity.

Why do I say this? Let me take you through the 10 steps to insanity.

The first 3 steps are basically self-explanatory. You just kepak the doors ever-so-slightly and pull them outwards a couple of notches, and pry open the roof of the car horizontally, then rotate them at about a 35 degree angle to the horizontal. With me so far?

Then you pull apart the butt side of the car so that the phallic-o-booster slides out and drops out. OK?

After putting aside that thing that pooped out, you simply rotate the doors 180 degrees on the Z-axis, and pull out the sun-roof-like piece so that it is raised. You finish the move of by twisting the doors sideways so that look like wings, and at the same time pull out the hands and arms which are hidden under the roof. Also pull out some of your hair and a rabbit from your rear end.

Then you twist the top part so the bottom part is aligned with the parts on the side, and the head will appear just as your head is about to blow up. Then both the left arm and the right arm are adjusted so they appear parallel to the chestal cross section of the robot's torso, and stick a fork in your chest. What?

Just a little bit more. Drag the piece holding the rear tires perpendicular to the part that will be the robot's knees, and then pull it back down so that it appears longer than the shorter drawing on the left, at the same time shove a butter knife up your own rear end.

Last but not least, stick the piece that pooped out earlier into the right hand of the robot, and your child is ready for the time of his life playing with this toy.

In reality nothing could be further from the truth. The toy in robot mode was not ready. The insructions sucked! Thankfully I had time on my side, sent my son of to watch a cartoon show or two, threw away the instructions, stared at every piece and moving part on the damned thing, and tried my best to figure out how to do what I was supposed to do.

In the end, my fantasticall mind prevailed, but barely at the edge of sanity. I don't remember my toys back in the day to be so complicated. Why sell a toy to a 5 year old, which he himself can't manipulate? Is it so that the father-son bond can be built? Is it so that the kid will get frustrated, and break or trash it, and ask for another one, further increasing sales for the toy company?

Why? Why? Why?

Anyway, as I managed to do it by myself, I can proudly say that I, the father, am smarter than a 5 year old, the son.

Hahaha.

Now I only have to figure out how to turn the robot back into a car.

On my own. By myself.

And also do it again and again everytime my son asks me to do it everytime he plays we the toy.

Or I can just persuade him to just play with the robot versions, and never to dream of the car versions ever.

Right.

Guess who's the smart one now? I retract my earlier statement of being smarter than a 5 year old.

In this wonderful world of ours, just like in the situation I found myself in with the toy, it is always the 'smarter' ones that end up doing all the work while the others just give orders. Right? Think about it.